not working

Why am I not working... I have bundles of solid working experience.
It feels like 17 years has been pulled from under me but is it. I don't know, for the past 3 years, I have battered my confidence, self identity and masculinity, for mostly, no good reason what so ever.
For a while, I was considering the barbering idea, which I still would like to follow through with, just for the skill base if nothing else.
However, this employability status, is irking me, I am bored and connectionless . Sometimes, its feels like people need to see me in a working capacity to manage what I have to say or they cant take my random swings of thought and logic . The comprehension part goes amiss and I get dooh or patronsing advice. The context is too wild for them or what ever.
I want a job and need to chop out of my brain, I need to be 2 years abstinent even to consider going back to work. Its a nasty bug I fought for decades.
There is always a reasons, always. mine.
I went 22 years without committing a crime when I drunkenly climbed through a neighbours window and ended up with a new criminal offence and a 18 month drug rehabilitation order. It was my down fall because I was to embark upon a journey of exposure to all the local services I worked in the years before as a professional and was now a client. Oh and my daughters mum worked in said service. Oh oh am trapped, like fool, I cant escape. sorry